omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
