Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
