idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
