i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
