you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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