I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
