I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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