if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
