I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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