I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
