Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
