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I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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