how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
