I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
