a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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