i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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