The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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