Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
