Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
