It was confusing and full of hummus
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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