i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
