i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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