DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
