so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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