So drunk its hurt
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
