youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
