I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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