ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
