Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hell yes lets make some ravioli
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
