are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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