Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
