Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
