Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
