Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
