One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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