my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
