i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize