i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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