he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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