mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
