i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
