Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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