Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
