it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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