I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
