I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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