hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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