so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
