Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
