miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
