my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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