It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
