If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
