i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
