Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You pole danced in your parka.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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