You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
