I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
