it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
