Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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