i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
