he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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