I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
