True but thats because hes a fetus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
