i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
