We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
