Pappa wants mamma naked
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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