The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
