haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
