I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ttyl tear gas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
