Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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