South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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